Question for the Ladies on here?

[peggygee]

This thread and my response to it have been in the back if my mind for a while. I was able to to more succinctly express my position on HA, which is where this question originated, but feel that I did it a disservice here. A similiar topic came up elsewhere, which has allowed my sentiments to coalesce.

As regards transwomen, porn, Maury, Springer, et al. are the usual means of exposure for most people. Via those mediums transwomen are usually portrayed as hyper-sexual, overly-feminized cariactures of women. We are seen as women who are sexually promiscuous, either for free or for pay. With us, men feel that they don't have to put any effort into intimacy or relationships, and that we are easy notches in a bedpost.

But there is the transwoman who is not engaged in the sex trade. She may be pre or post op, and for the most part she lives her life just like any other woman. She goes to work, or school, may attend church, has family and friends, runs errands, basically does the same things that her natal counter-part does.

The latter describes me, I live stealth, a very main-stream live, I'm not promiscuous. A man would have to work very hard to be in a relationship or be intimate with me. When you look at me, talk with me, all that you would see is a regular woman. I am not a woman with "something extra", I am not the "best of both worlds", I am not a "special lady", at least not in that context, and I most assuredly would not be categorized by any of the vile terms used in porn to market transwomen.

Chasers have no interest in me, for I am devoid of the fetish object that they seek, I have no penis, I have a vagina, I am also not easy prey, and I must say that I am glad that they have no interest in me. As being in relationship with a man who was attracted to me for that reason would be very disconcerting and angst producing to me.

Post operatively, sans penis I am able to live my life as it was intended. Now when I am in a relationship, it is with someone who values, cherishes and loves the totality of me, and does not objectify and view me as a fetish object.

[peggygee]

If you mean it like this, it's cool.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fA70hhimR2E[/ame]

With the "tranny" connotation, not cool.

Get it?

Got it?

Good.

[Sasha]

I was recently chatting with lady online. We were just getting to know each other on a social network. During one of our chats, I said that I dont get the opportunity to meet special ladies like her everyday. She really got offended and asked that I do not contact her anymore. I want to know what I said wrong and if I was offensive? I just want to know for future reference. Thanks!

i dunno i guess many girls are differnt..would u be taken offense to someone saying your a special man.. lol I just think its the person u will be fine,,like they all said more fish in the sea..BUt im sure there is more to that story than wats being told here lol

[TVSURFER]

”What’s a dude to do?” If a guy is being respectful and affable, what is wrong with saying that a girl is special? He didn’t say she was a special bitch, or dog or whatever, he just said she was special lady in the most hospitable way he could! Isn’t that what women want?
A wife wants her husband to treat her special; a girlfriend wants her boyfriend to treat her as someone special, hell, I want to be treated special! What was he suppose to say or do in that situation? I believe in the context in which he said that she was “special” was not disrespectful or derogatory in any way. What do most men do in civilized countries when they want to court or get to know a “lady”? They’ll try to be respectful as possible.
What would be the next step for him to express to her what he meant by special, a bouquet of roses, a box of Whitman’s or a trip to her parent’s house to ask her father for her hand in marriage? What?
I think the only thing he did wrong was go on a chat site where the people are insecure and immature.

[MrF]

Get it?

Got it?

Good.

I see where you're coming from better now. Thanks for the clarification. No argument from me. Indeed, respect.

[peggygee]

”What’s a dude to do?” If a guy is being respectful and affable, what is wrong with saying that a girl is special? He didn’t say she was a special bitch, or dog or whatever, he just said she was special lady in the most hospitable way he could! Isn’t that what women want?

A wife wants her husband to treat her special; a girlfriend wants her boyfriend to treat her as someone special, hell, I want to be treated special! What was he suppose to say or do in that situation? I believe in the context in which he said that she was “special” was not disrespectful or derogatory in any way.

What do most men do in civilized countries when they want to court or get to know a “lady”? They’ll try to be respectful as possible.

What would be the next step for him to express to her what he meant by special, a bouquet of roses, a box of Whitman’s or a trip to her parent’s house to ask her father for her hand in marriage? What?

I think the only thing he did wrong was go on a chat site where the people are insecure and immature.

As I mentioned up-thread if dude meant that he didn't meet sweet, attractive, interesting women that sparked his fancy, in his day to day endeavours, that would be one thing.

But we all know that "special lady" is a term used by men seeking transwomen to convey a woman with "something extra", or a "best of both worlds" chick.

I was recently chatting with lady online. We were just getting to know each other on a social network.

During one of our chats, I said that I dont get the opportunity to meet special ladies like her everyday.

She really got offended and asked that I do not contact her anymore. I want to know what I said wrong and if I was offensive? I just want to know for future reference.

Thanks!

Some women don't take offense at that, some women are very proud of their trans-identity, and others just want to be seen as regular women. In which case it is highly implausible that he doesn't meet special women on the regular, as there are many, many chicks that have it going on.

What he really said to her is "I don't meet many" trannies on a daily basis, and she shut him down, as would I if someone was foolish enough to address me in that manner.

[peggygee]

I see where you're coming from better now. Thanks for the clarification. No argument from me. Indeed, respect.

Thanks for getting it, maybe some folks aren't aware of the "special lady" connotation.

And I won't say that I'm overly sensitive about most things, but yeah I guess that one does get my panties in a bunch.

[bigdicki]

As I mentioned up-thread if dude meant that he didn't meet sweet, attractive, interesting women that sparked his fancy, in his day to day endeavours, that would be one thing.

But we all know that "special lady" is a term used by men seeking transwomen to convey a woman with "something extra", or a "best of both worlds" chick.




Some women don't take offense at that, some women are very proud of their trans-identity, and others just want to be seen as regular women. In which case it is highly implausible that he doesn't meet special women on the regular, as there are many, many chicks that have it going on.

What he really said to her is "I don't meet many" trannies on a daily basis, and she shut him down, as would I if someone was foolish enough to address me in that manner.

"Special lady" is also used by men and women who think a woman is beautiful and beyond the norm in very positive ways. It is also used by men and women who think someone is mentally disabled. In other words, she could have chosen many different meanings from the comment considering there was no additional context that was given. If the girl wasn't immediately expecting something negative due to her own baggage and as TVSurfer said "immaturity", then she would have at least asked what he meant and at best took it as it seems it was meant... positively.

I understand, given how society in the US still views transsexualism, why she and even you, may have this baggage, but in the end it only isolates you from many people who may be very positive. In other words, don't be so sensitive and at least ask for the meaning behind comments.

[MrF]

Some transwomen are proud to have "something extra" because, as one TGirl explained to me once, it "makes (her) unique". In her mind, the penis contributed to her unique form of beauty as a transwoman.

I think it would be a good strategy to avoid the subject of "something extra" or the "special lady" complement. Just tell her she's beautiful, that you like her, and so on. Avoid differentiating her from other women or asking questions about what it's like to be a transwoman, etc. A lot of TGirls are wary of guys who may be "dick fetishists". Maybe that's part of why you like her, but keep it subtle.

BTW, the girl I mentioned above became someone's housewife last I heard. She was quite beautiful and passable but didn't do any porn. At the time I met her she was in between relationships and trying to make money from "upscale, mature clients" (that was me, lol), but predictably she got "wifed up" and left me pretty soon after I met her. That was 6 years ago. Sigh.

[peggygee]

"Special lady" is also used by men and women who think a woman is beautiful and beyond the norm in very positive ways. It is also used by men and women who think someone is mentally disabled. In other words, she could have chosen many different meanings from the comment considering there was no additional context that was given. If the girl wasn't immediately expecting something negative due to her own baggage and as TVSurfer said "immaturity", then she would have at least asked what he meant and at best took it as it seems it was meant... positively.

I understand, given how society in the US still views transsexualism, why she and even you, may have this baggage, but in the end it only isolates you from many people who may be very positive. In other words, don't be so sensitive and at least ask for the meaning behind comments.

I know some people who no matter what you say to them, they misinterpet
it and fly off the handle, over-react, get defensive and are like "What did you
mean by that"?

I'm most def not one of those people, I have a very good sense of worth,
and self-esteem, while at the same time not having an inflated ego.

And my lexicon of speech is broad enough to know the various connotations
of "special lady", and it is all about the context in which it is proffered. Then
too we weren't privvy to the entire convo. Maybe homegirl over-reacted,
mayhaps not.

If someone said they thought I was a special lady, and from the context of
the sentence I could tell that they weren't implying that I rode the short
bus, or was the best of both worlds, then I would graciously accept it as a
compliment.